Bribery

I am wondering how other people feel about bribery? (that's probably a rhetorical question)

Honestly, I want my children to be properly motivated. 

I want them to want to be good- do their work, listen, not interrupt a kajillion times (think "squirrel!" from the movie Up). 

My head feels like it is going to blow off sometimes from the effort of keeping the boys corralled. 

I have tried doing school separately. It is not practical. Three boys x 20 minutes per subject that they need help with... that could be more hours than I have in a day. And that does not include my high school daughter. They (the boys) need to be able to do school in the same room. I need to be able to teach some subjects together.

I talk, 

we read "character building" books, 

we discuss natural consequences ("you're auntie is not going to want you at your house when she sees how you behave!"). 

I threaten (this should be avoided by all parents with short term memory loss!), 

and plead.

To very little avail. 

This all leads me to my new system- bribery! I am not proud of it. I am not even sure that it is a good parenting technique. It seems to be working. I do wonder for how long, but I like to think optimistically.

The system:

Tickets are awarded/earned.

If a child's chores are completed in a timely manner with no complaining, a ticket for each chore is awarded.

For school, three tickets are "give me-s" at the beginning of each session. One of these tickets will be taken away for teasing a sibling, saying anything negative, being surly or disrespectful to the teacher (me), not listening attentively, answering over a sibling or not giving the work an honest effort.

I started the three ticket policy because after awarding tickets, when the boys would then do something disruptive, I was tempted to threaten to take an earned ticket back. I didn't want have them earn a ticket just to take it away. I informed the boys that these three tickets are their warning. No matter how much they do to "earn" a ticket, if they manage to have all three of the "give me" tickets taken away, I will charge them for infractions of the rules.

Tickets are earned during school time by fully participating with a good attitude, completing work with a "best effort" and helping to clean up when we are finished.

If I catch a child in the act of extraordinary kindness or helpfulness, a ticket may be awarded. Yes, a child may point out an honest effort.

Opportunities for earning tickets will be offered. Extra chores will be listed with a ticket amount assigned to each.

The tickets are redeemed at mom's shopping basket. This basket contains several items (I plan to add a more) that the boys find fascinating when we go to the store- small tape dispensers, mini cars, magnifying glasses... 

Each item is assigned a value and the boys are allowed to "shop" on each Friday.



I do  wonder if they (the boys) don't have the tickets as a dangling carrot, will any improvement carry over? Will it make things worse? Maybe without incentive, the boys will be less likely to behave. I am not sure. 

I do know that, especially for my 9 and 6 year old, the whole thing puts a fun spin on the day. They look forward to earning their tickets. And, when my gloomy "Eeyore" child (does everyone have one?) was not cooperating and saw his brothers each get a ticket, he quickly jumped on board.

What is going to be the long term effect of this bribery? And, does it matter? Does the fact that we can actually get through school and enjoy it supersede the possible downfalls... we'll see!

*I should add, lest you think that my kids are completely unruly, that my boys are mostly well behaved! They are very energetic and sometimes (ahem, often) that energy is somewhat like a roller coaster- once it gets going, it is almost impossible to stop. And, the boys have all agreed that they enjoy school much more with the new atmosphere in our school room.