Being Honest With Myself
I am not a hoarder! I am not a hoarder! I am not a hoarder!
Only, pictures I have taken belie that statement. I promise, if my courage holds up, I will share them when my computer is up and running.
I have to stop here and state that this post is in no way meant to offend anyone that has a serious mental disorder that leads to hoarding. I am just trying to come clean about a few of my own struggles.
A few weeks ago, I came across a recommendation from Netflix Instant Watch for a show called "Hoarders". Not having TV, I had no idea what this show was about until I clicked "play". Even more, I had no way to know that I would learn so much about myself and my tendency to "hoard". What a shock it was to hear my words coming out of the mouths of people who had trash piled 3 feet deep throughout their houses. Time to do some serious evaluating!!
Like all on that show, I have a story. First, life gets complicated (medical issues, emotional issues, or just plain busyness- there is always something!) and things start to pile up- then hubby knocks down my garage necessitating the storage of tons of books, art supplies, and other "useful" stuff for a few months (turned into years) in a makeshift shed that is not accessible. The garage is resurrected... all that time later and the temporary shed is unloaded. What do I do with all that "stuff"? I can't just throw it away. Add to that in-laws who downsized and gave me more "stuff" to do something with, a lovely teacher who thought our homeschool group could use some of her books (they took some, but not all), and then the leftovers from a curriculum sale that are too good to be tossed being put in my trunk for me try to find homes for (again- I found homes for some, but not all). Well, once you have a pile like that going, how easy is it to add to it? And, the longer I hang on to this stuff, the stronger the conviction is that I must find some use for it.
Now- one more complication. Every time I open the garage door (to the half of the garage that holds all this stuff), and try to make some sense of it, dear hubby (trying to be helpful) comes along and starts encouraging me to just "throw it all way!". Which makes me stop in my tracks and close the door.
I started with having a talk with my hubby. He is always super supportive of me, but I am sure he is tired of his garage (the workshop half) being piled high with stuff that makes it impossible to walk in the door. Once I explained how I wanted to get going on clearing that monster out, and how I really needed him to not start ranting about tossing it all in the trash, he has been my biggest encourager.
But it is slow going. I am going for the "easy" stuff right now. Things I know will be recycled, tossed in the garbage, or donated. I have a memorabilia basket- if a paper even looks like something that is worthy of being kept, I toss it in there. I don't want to be hasty with tossing (I can get pretty enthusiastic!). I will tackle that box when the rest is done.
Along the way, I have been inspired by a series of posts on a lovely blog, My Heart's Desire, that I found via NOBH.
Well, this is my few minutes of computer access for now- the parts that were suppose to arrive in 3-5 business days have not. While I am already having serious second thoughts about this post, I will not be able to do much about it once I walk away! ;)
Only, pictures I have taken belie that statement. I promise, if my courage holds up, I will share them when my computer is up and running.
I have to stop here and state that this post is in no way meant to offend anyone that has a serious mental disorder that leads to hoarding. I am just trying to come clean about a few of my own struggles.
A few weeks ago, I came across a recommendation from Netflix Instant Watch for a show called "Hoarders". Not having TV, I had no idea what this show was about until I clicked "play". Even more, I had no way to know that I would learn so much about myself and my tendency to "hoard". What a shock it was to hear my words coming out of the mouths of people who had trash piled 3 feet deep throughout their houses. Time to do some serious evaluating!!
Like all on that show, I have a story. First, life gets complicated (medical issues, emotional issues, or just plain busyness- there is always something!) and things start to pile up- then hubby knocks down my garage necessitating the storage of tons of books, art supplies, and other "useful" stuff for a few months (turned into years) in a makeshift shed that is not accessible. The garage is resurrected... all that time later and the temporary shed is unloaded. What do I do with all that "stuff"? I can't just throw it away. Add to that in-laws who downsized and gave me more "stuff" to do something with, a lovely teacher who thought our homeschool group could use some of her books (they took some, but not all), and then the leftovers from a curriculum sale that are too good to be tossed being put in my trunk for me try to find homes for (again- I found homes for some, but not all). Well, once you have a pile like that going, how easy is it to add to it? And, the longer I hang on to this stuff, the stronger the conviction is that I must find some use for it.
Now- one more complication. Every time I open the garage door (to the half of the garage that holds all this stuff), and try to make some sense of it, dear hubby (trying to be helpful) comes along and starts encouraging me to just "throw it all way!". Which makes me stop in my tracks and close the door.
I started with having a talk with my hubby. He is always super supportive of me, but I am sure he is tired of his garage (the workshop half) being piled high with stuff that makes it impossible to walk in the door. Once I explained how I wanted to get going on clearing that monster out, and how I really needed him to not start ranting about tossing it all in the trash, he has been my biggest encourager.
But it is slow going. I am going for the "easy" stuff right now. Things I know will be recycled, tossed in the garbage, or donated. I have a memorabilia basket- if a paper even looks like something that is worthy of being kept, I toss it in there. I don't want to be hasty with tossing (I can get pretty enthusiastic!). I will tackle that box when the rest is done.
Along the way, I have been inspired by a series of posts on a lovely blog, My Heart's Desire, that I found via NOBH.
Well, this is my few minutes of computer access for now- the parts that were suppose to arrive in 3-5 business days have not. While I am already having serious second thoughts about this post, I will not be able to do much about it once I walk away! ;)
I am so glad you are starting slowly. I was inspired by The Chaos and the Clutter, http://thechaosandtheclutter.com/archives/22 . She had set a much higher goal for herself and had difficulty sticking with it. I have started slowly, as you have, and it will be very important to have support along the way.
ReplyDeleteSome days you will not want to face the mountain, so DON'T! The next day force yourself to dig in. It does get easier if you don't push yourself too hard.
I hope you will continue to update how you're doing. Maybe we can support each other. God bless you!
Not reading the blog you commented on, my thought is, why not make it a spiritual trip on the way? One bad a day...for forty days. It wouldn't have to be a BIG bag. On those hard days, it could be a small bag. It could be considered trash, or goodwill, or for someone else to use. Just one a day...slow baby steps. Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteI always feel like I have too much stuff! Some of it just comes from the fact that we have families with many children, so we naturally are going to have more things than a family of 3 or 4. It's easy to get overloaded!
ReplyDelete